The Solo Sauna
Putting the "spa" in "personal space".
A personal in-home sauna is an unattainable extravagance... right?
Published
A private infrared sauna for one? What a ridiculous thing to consider having in your home. I say you should know your place and sweat like the rest of us: in a public room where countless other strangers have sweated before.
Of course you should sauna
Yes, yes, we’re all aware of the health benefits of the sauna. The release of beta-endorphins, the same natural opioids behind “runner’s high”. The instant mood boost from hormones like dopamine and serotonin. The correlation between frequent sauna use and increased longevity, improved cardiovascular health, and reduced dementia risk. And signaling to our future Finnish overlords that you were a Finnophile before it was cool/mandatory. Obviously, your life will be enhanced in every particular by a steady sauna relationship.
But sauna is a privilege
Anything that beneficial is worth suffering for. If joining a gym, waking up early, getting dressed, driving to the gym, getting undressed, sharing sauna space with random people, getting dressed again, and driving home are the price of the sauna lifestyle, you should be grateful to pay it. If you miss your chance because your gym’s sauna has limited hours and you had other things to do, well, that just proves you weren’t sufficiently committed. Try harder to be worthy of the sauna.
Join the crowd
Besides, imagine all the enriching encounters you’d be denying yourself. The variety of colorful characters you meet in a gym sauna. Their symphony of sniffles, coughs, itches, and odd little moans. The opportunity to overhear something fascinating like the details of a crime being planned. From what we see on television, public saunas are a favored venue for mafiosi to arrange their various knockings-over and bumpings-off. What an adventure that would be!
This makes sauna too easy
With The Solo Sauna, all you have to do is spend half an hour putting it together. Plug it into a normal 110 outlet. Then you can ease yourself directly into your own sauna of handsome Canadian hemlock, anytime you take a notion. You could situate it right in your bedroom. Who’s to stop you? There’s even a built-in Bluetooth speaker so you can play whatever music you want. And you have total control over who else gets to enjoy your sauna. It’s so simple, so effortless! Where’s the struggle? Where’s the hassle? Where’s the… the annoyance, the gross factor… the discomfort…
OK, maybe it is attainable
Ahem. Maybe I’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe I don’t have to suffer for all that a sauna can give me. Maybe I have issues with my self-worth, with accepting that I deserve good things in life too. I’ve got a lot to think about. You know where would be the perfect place to mull it over? In The Solo Sauna. Hand me that towel, would you?
